Fiction ~ Gone Sanity ~ Haneefah Abdulrahman

Pic: Aminu S Muhammad

Your head was really heavy when you opened your eyes, everything was abnormal, upside down. You couldn't help but wonder if you were in the devil's land or in the human world. You decided to lay still for few moment," it will help me regain my sanity." You thought. It took a little while before your sanity was regained.

"Oh no!" You shouted like you just saw yourself drowning but you just remembered that your grandmother fell off the cliff and drowned in the water beneath when you screamed out of the joy of seeing Asabe, your best friend whom you thought wouldn't make it to the hangout with your grandma. That scream startled your grandma who moved too fast forgetting that she was standing really close to the edge of the cliff. It happened so fast.

"Where is Asabe?" You wondered. You were trying to stand when you heard footsteps from behind. You looked back and saw Asabe, your parents and some men, the men went down the cliff to search for your grandma. Your parent stood not too close to the edge. They didn't even look at you. It has always been like you and your parents live in worlds apart. Sometime you wonder if they are your parent but they are actually your parents.

"You are awake." Asabe said to you. "You fainted from the shock of seeing your grandma fall. Thank God your house is close so getting help was easy." She added.

You changed your mind about standing up. You were waiting for the men to come up and say,

"She is still alive, we just need to take her to the hospital."

Your parents were looking down with great  expectation, you wanted to move a little forward to take a look too but your butts were glued to the ground with your worries.

The men came up with your grandma's body looking like an object which is always lifeless. Asabe ran to meet up with them but you couldn't stand up, your parent touched the body and shook their heads, the men were expressionless like life or death isn't new to them, like they have seen so much of both. Your mother screamed, "Mama please wake up, your 90th birthday is tomorrow!" She cried and screamed, your father consoled her, Asabe looked confused, you just sat there, your sanity wasn't with you.

Your parents walked past you alongside the men but Asabe sat by your side and whispered, "She is dead." Her whisper was as though it was a sin to tell you that she was dead.

You didn't say anything, you looked at the blank space. Asabe begged you to say something but you didn’t, she begged to take you home but you refused.

"Go away!" You suddenly screamed at her.

She was startled but she didn't make an attempt to move. “I will stay here with you till you are ready to go home."

You pushed her but she didn't go. She still sat by your side.  "What a friend, she never leaves me in my horrible times no matter what I say or do to her." You thought. You let her stay, then you broke into tears.

She let you lay on her laps and let you cry out your pain, your guilt and your memories. You couldn't believe your grandma was gone suddenly. It was your fault you thought. You loved her more than your parents because she had always been there. She was gone now, you didn't know what to do. You knew you were going to feel lonely with no one to talk to. It was as though your own parents never noticed you because they are so busy.

“I think you should go home Asabe, my sanity is gone with the memories I have of grandmother. I am staying here till daybreak. I will go home tomorrow. I don't think I will be able to have my sanity back, it will kill me. I rather dwell in the past."

Asabe touched your head and said, "We will stay here till daybreak and I promise to be part of your gone sanity. We will remember grandma always but please let not all your sanity be in your memory of her."

"I hear you." You replied.

You and Asabe stayed till daybreak. It was as though you were feeling the presence of your grandma since that was the last place you saw her alive. Like Asabe said, you can let your sanity go with the memory of your grandma but not completely. Asabe held your hands and hugged you afterwards and you walked home with her. Your eyes were swollen, it won't heal you knew, your heart was also swollen in form of a sore but you had to be ready to live without your grandma whom was your best friend before Asabe.

When you got home, your mum was surprised to see you coming from the gate and she asked, "Did you not sleep at home yesterday?"

You ignored her and walked past her. You went to your room to prepare for the eternal send forth of your grandma to the other world. You were ready for the war of life, you knew.

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HANEEFAH ABDULRAHMAN is currently a 300 level student of English and Literary studies at Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria. She is the 2020 Editor 1 of The Creative Writers' Club. She is a writer and a poet. She is the author of 'The Queens of Age Chains' published on Okada Books. Haneefah has also been published on the sites dailyboom.com.ng, igbocurls.com. She manages the blog, trendyneefah.blogspot.com.